Swim With Me

In the past at the hawker centre , a common sight will be a Thai Monk (yellow robes) or Thai Nun (not the naan from Indian food) in white attire seeking for money. Later news reported  both  these monk and nun are bogus . In the day they are monk or nun ,in the night they dress up like every one else. They were rounded up  and send to jail. Today at AMK Hub having a drink , I saw an Angmoh walking to every table, leave a card and a key chain, walk one round and check whether any one wants to buy. The card indicates that he is deaf and seek charity. Cost is $5 per set. Some people just buy from this DEAF ANGMOH. I was just walking behind him when I heard a handphone ringing from his bag. Will he pick it up ??????

A Nun got into a taxi.

Driver: Where to?

Nun:To the church.

Driver : Ok (but keep on looking at her through his rear view mirror as he drive)

Nun: Why you keep looking? Is there something I can help you?

Driver: Erh, sorry but can I  seek a favour. I always want to be kiss by Nun.Can you help?

Nun: Sure,if you are a Christian.

Driver: Yes, I am

So the Nun give him a kiss. Driver was so happy but half way through the journey he started to cry.

Nun: Why are you crying?

Driver: Very Sorry, I lied. to you .I am not a Christian I am worried God will punish me:

Nun: It’s alright. BTW My name is Kevin and I am on the way to a costume party.

Today’s  topic  in class was on the subject of wedding anniversary.

Lecturer: Can the class tell me what you wish for during your wedding anniversary?

Ladies: Candle light dinner, holiday, diamond.

Lecturer: What if he cannot afford?

Ladies: Ok, home cook food, go Sentosa, buy gold pendant lor.

Lecturer:What if he  really cannot afford?

Ladies: Will at least we expect him to give us a card.

Lecturer: Yes  I agree, at least a card to show  that he remember.

Me: Sorry I do not agree. A card could meant a gold card or a platinum card to the ladies you know!

 After that remarks  all the ladies started  to throw things at me.

740

 My trainer give us this  scenarior  to solve.

A giant air  balloon carrying people was leaking badly and land was 5km away.

On board were the following people:  1) President of SXXXXXXXE

                                                                  2) Olympic Swimmer

                                                                   3) a  Boy

                                                                    4)  Doctor

                                                                     5) Pregnant Woman

                                                                      6) Brad Ptitt

We have to arrange who to throw out  first, second and  until the last person.

I told my trainer:

Me: I will  only throw out one person and that is the President!!!

Trainer: Why?

Me: If every one need to be saved from this disaster, the only way is to throw out  the President because this will sparked of a big scale of  search and rescue effort when the authorities knows that the President is missing, everyone will then be saved.

Another answer is FIRST throw the Olympic swimmer ( he can swim),  SECOND the President( the Olympic swimmer can swim with President) THIRD Brad Pitt the Actor (he either can swim or Act as though he can swim) Fourth the Doctor  Fifth the Boy and lastly the Pregnant Woman as the balloon are near to shore.

                                  WHAT DO YOU THINK???

Well if you are used to attending courses you will experience different trainer coming up with ways of introducing himself to the class. This morning was no exception, I was in a class of unfamiliar faces.  My trainer A started his introduction

A: Ok  class I will write out three points on the flip chart about my self and you try to tell me which point is true.

        1. Counsellor

         2. Like swimming

         3. Advertising.

Me: (I put my hand) Counsellor is true.

A: Why you say is true and where have you seen me?

Me: It is true , I have seen you in Changi Prison!!

A: My God, You are correct. I really have done counselling over there in the past.

      Are you one of the senior warden over there?

Me: No, I was serving time there.

My trainer face turn pale and I also notice that those sitting near me started to shift away.

Every child or adults will have their superheroes. examples Batman, Superman, Ultraman and what ever man. lately there was a new addition on TV and that is the CICAKMAN? Well aka the translated version is LIZARDMAN. He was bitten by a lizard during experiment and thus can turn into a LIZARD. His ability can climb wall both vertical and horizontal, can spit saliva  as a weapon(typical singaporean) and dropping his shxx at the enemy. So if you see him in your house please leave him alone. I am planning to create a local superhero. Yes, CENTIPEDEMAN but whenever he goes to rescue he is always late due to putting on his shoes OR the FLYMAN  but always lost his way due to his compound eyes.. Yes, I got it SOTONGMAN.. powerful tentacles to to catch the bad guys and get away fast with their black ink but always got the wrong guy cos blur like SOTONG.

I was queuing to buy coffee this afternoon when M came and line up behind me . She was about to asked me something when these two macho guys in front of me turn around.

Guys: Are you M?

M: (SHOCKED but happy) Do I know you?

Guys: Yes, we are here to check some paper from you.

Me:(thinking, wah  is this a new pick up line?)

M:(still blur like jelly fish but happy like twenty cents coin) ok ok see you later.

We got our drinks I walk ( but she floats) to our table. ( you know why lah)

M: Eh I am surprise that they(macho men) knows my name.

Me: You see I told you beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Even  though it is was raining heavily, I could see M smiling like the bright sun.

Lining up to buy drink.. tiring

Having stranger ( macho ones) calling your name… surprising

After  feeling.. priceless.

I WAS TELLING MY SELF IF THIS IS ONE WAY OF SEEING PEOPLE SMILING WITH HAPPINESS.. I SHOULD GET MY FRIENDS TO DO THIS MORE OFTEN…

A pretty lady went near the counter and seductively gesture the bartender to come closer to her

Lady: Are you the manager?(running her hands around the bartender face and ears)

Bartender: No, but can I help you?( getting excited)

Lady: Yes, can you pass a message to your manager?( this time she uses one finger to brush the bartender lips and he excitedly nimbles on it, as he open his lips ,the lady slides in her four fingers)

Bartender: Ok( very excited now)

Lady: Just.. tell.. him that I have just used your ladies and there are no tissue,no water and the flushing system is down.

Well on second day (temp still above 38) went to see my doctor again for help.

Doc: but yesterday you have no fever,today fever very bad.

Me: thats why see you for fever medicine.

Doc: Ok, There are three type of fever medicine. This blue one you take for normal fever and the additional  yellow one you take if temp is above 38.

Me: what about the third type of fever medicine?

Doc: The third one is for fever above 39 it comes with four wheels and red siren.

Me: (I look at him grinning away)  why did  you study so hard to be a doctor when you could join Kumar and company in Boom Boom Room as a  stand up comedian.

Down with fever of above 38 for two days already, hope not dengue, hope it will subside.It is time like this you cherish your life. Lucky long holiday coming but have to cancel my Hari Raya visiting. Hope all my friends understand.

 SELAMAT HARI RAYA to All